Monday, February 08, 2010

Facebook Freak Out

I'm not on Facebook and I have no intention of being a member. A couple of weeks back my darling sister Bethany sent, to what seemed to be her entire contact list, a link to her Facebook page to show everyone her Christmas family photos in Los Angeles. This is the only contact I've had with Beth since she came to visit England last summer. She seemed to lose interest in having a relationship with me around the same time as the school phobia thing kicked off. Probably the only thing that could redeem me in her bias teacher's point of view is if I went to University. I didn't. And so I get these bimonthly BC Ced emails instead.

When I followed the link to the cheesy snaps, I had a peek at my sister's profile which lead me to her group of friends. I found practically every known member of my family on there. That's not surprising, I guess. But then I got onto my brother's Facebook and found myself linked to not only every mate of his, but to the parents of people who I went to school with.
Then there's this one woman who lives up my street, and she's the mother of this girl I went to school with. Anyway, every time I leave the house, I see her. She is constantly walking up and down the road to the newsagents and back. I can't look out my bedroom window without seeing her. I get in my mum's car for a lift and there she is. Even this woman is on my brother's 'Friends' list.

What I can't get over is how much of a good time everyone looks like they're having. If you go through these people's photo albums, they all look like they're having more fun than what I've ever had in my entire life. It reminds me of something Andy Warhol said once about how he'd like to be able to watch video footage of every party he's been invited to, from his own home. That's what it felt like when I was looking at those pictures. I was recently invited to my Uncle's 50Th. No one from my household could make it. When I was linked to my cousin's Facebook from my sisters however, I saw pictures from that night, a synopsis more or less on the evening's events, and I could find each attendees' verdict on the night via the conversations on their wall. A friend of mine even had raging arguments with her now ex boyfriend via their public Facebook walls. At least one of their break ups even happened over Facebook.

I'm a manic worrier, and this troubles me. By looking at the pictures, it's like everyone is living in fucking Skins. Of course they're just snapshots of all the best moments of their life strung together; a collection of all the things you could've been doing but weren't. But ultimately, it just leaves me with a feeling of constantly missing out on something and you don't need to be reminded of that. I shan't be going on there again.

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